33 Weeks & Feeling Like I'm Ready to POP!

We're in the final stretch here!! I'm at that point where I'm just over the moon with excitement but then reality brings me back to earth and reminds me that.. things happen, things go wrong, some babies aren't perfect. I'm not sure why I feel the way that I do or why I worry so much, but that is the mom in me I suppose. I have come to the realization that my life consists of mommying, wifing and photographing. I live my life for those three things and those three things only. My heart just melts the moment I see my kids in the morning or when we go to bed at night. I know a boy in the mix won't change the dynamic of our house too much but I know with this delivery, I am just going to burst out in tears because I feel like our puzzle is complete. We have everything we could possibly want.

Some days I feel like this isn't my last pregnancy, others I'm over it. I asked Ryan what his thoughts on birth control were as far as what we should use this time since the Paragard clearly was not a long-term method for us. His response was "nothing." Having a big family is important to him I guess. This is something that is new I feel like because when we first started out, we had talked about wanting children (just to ensure that we were on the same page) we just hadn't talked about having more than two or three. But I guess if you buy the SUV you might as well fill the seats ;)

Things this time around are just so much better. I'm not sure if its because our baby is a boy, or if we have just matured in the important areas. It's little things that just make me smile like the fact that he asks me every day if today is the day we go to the hospital when I wake up. The fact that he wants this to happen already is a huge sign for what is to come in terms of his fathering to our son. I know I've said this before but the timing could not have been better. Our relationship before was probably one of the worst I have ever heard about but as time went on, we started to just let things go, be happy and love each other. I can't even remember the last time we had a real argument which is a beautiful thing.

My own father is to be passing away soon. He was my Dad until I was two when he left and my step dad & grandfather took over so knowing him as "Dad" has just never happened for me. He's one of those dads that comes in and out of the picture once a year and pretends to love me endlessly but in reality, it's probably just something for him to do. He has reached out to me, and I'm not one to put people off when they extend an olive branch but in this situation I'm conflicted. I know that when he passes I will regret ignoring him but at the same time.. this is confusing to my children. Life is crazy, when one side is up, the other is down but as long as I have my rock I know that I will be okay.