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I can't believe our Nolie is already 9 months old! Some days I look at him and I see this big one year old baby just going about his life, he's such a big guy compared to our little gals. He is more observant and vocal than they were so it somewhat freaks me out.. thinking of who he will be when he is bigger. He's far more active and demanding at the same time. Other days, he is the little newborn I just brought home, the newborn I was learning to love and get to know. He really sends me through a spectrum of emotions because I hadn't anticipated on having a son, I for some reason felt like I wouldn't have a son because Ryan is such a blessing to my life. For me it is still emotional because he looks and acts just like Ryan. It's obvious that I love Ryan with my entire.. heart, being, life.. just everything, without him I don't know who or where I would be because we literally grew up so much together. He is everything to me so to have another person who is so similar, it just brings me down to such a humble state. I was given the opportunity to fill my life with all of these little people who are a part of us, bits and pieces of us.
I'm about to rant - People sometimes ask me questions like "Are you done after this one?" I don't get it nearly as much as I thought I would with the announcement of our fourth baby but when I do hear things like that, it somewhat irritates me. Mainly because I feel like they are trying to project their own feelings onto me and my life's decisions. I realize that most of the time, the questions come from people who are older with two children or have their tubes tied. For me, sometimes I want to just simply say flat out that I would never shut the door on motherhood, so no. This might not be my last one if you're asking if I'm planning on having my tubes tied. Because I wouldn't, I would never give up an opportunity that has lead me to so many rewarding moments. Of course there is a financial price that comes with each baby, obviously we factor that in because we both live a set lifestyle where we like to have nice things and we don't like to sit at home on the weekends. I just feel like people are too forward with what they think and saying how they feel. Why even pry? Why ask? Wait and see if it's that important to you. Another thing I want to flat out say is that I feel the need to create a family because we don't have family members that we really truly rely on, people that come to visit for a month just to bond and get to know our kids, obviously popping off at the mouth with things like that might offend so I refrain.
It also makes me feel uncomfortable when we're talking about another person, and they become pregnant and the person I'm talking to says "Oh I figured they would be done because their lifestyle isn't stable" ...yet they haven't spoken to that person in years.. how can you make such judgements about people and their lives when you have no clue? Some seem to assume that because people aren't married that their life or relationship isn't stable.. maybe that person is waiting for something, maybe they are waiting until they can invest more time into planning the biggest day of their life, maybe they don't want a courthouse wedding.. We've all done our fair share of judging however I feel like people are far too judgement when it comes to parenting.. I guess that's why I've always tossed everyone else's opinions straight out the window because even though most people don't understand it... there is a whole spectrum of parenting types and I've somewhat learned to respect most styles.. aside from the whole breastfeeding a five year old.. I won't quite get that.
