So I feel like I've been hiding something for a little while especially from my doctor & I know I should bring it up at the risk of sounding... stupid. But....
I have no idea what labor feels like... like at all.
With Maliah I went to the hospital because I knew something was wrong.. and surely enough I almost died but in the midst of all that I think all of my attention was funneled into my fears about what was going on because let's face it contractions don't seem like anything compared to being faced with the reality of losing your own life or the most important thing.. the baby. I don't remember feeling any pain I don't remember crying or yelling or acting anything like anyone on TV I remember just being completely calm. I did have an epidural but I do remember it wearing off & feeling everything when it was all coming right down to Maliah's arrival. But I can't help but wonder.. what am I going to do.. when it comes to my 39th week and I start to feel pain?? How will I know "this is it?" I know some women get Braxton Hicks but I never did with Maliah, the whole pregnancy was just perfect well, aside from the Preeclampsia. I just feel like.. this is my first baby and I really have no idea what I'm doing & I shouldn't feel that way I should feel like a pro or something because I've done this before and everything worked out great even with complications. Ugh.. idk obviously this bothers me.. it's 4am & I'm up feeling weird & this is after shopping online for baby stuff... I just hope God gives me the strength to feel calm & confident like with Maliah. I just really really want that experience the whole "oh my water broke!" or "ah! I think I'm in labor & rushing to the hospital" which is crazy because I'm a control freak you would think that I would have already scheduled the birthday with the doctor the second she mentioned that as an option but for some reason.. I want that experience like on TV where the water breaks in the grocery store or something funny like that. Ryan says I'll have to sleep outside for the week before the baby is born so I don't ruin the bed lol. But it makes me wonder.. how do people deal with that situation like in the car? Wouldn't that ruin upholstery? & then the car just sits like that for what? almost a week while your in the hospital lol idk it all just seems funny to me but that would be a story to remember. I guess all I can do is keep my anxiety at bay the best I can & stop thinking so much about things that are months away.
