Tuesday was one of the roughest
days I have had in a very long while. My Dad's mother passed away after about a
year of battling many different illnesses after surgeries and things like that.
She lived a very long time so this was a natural part of life. My Dad was
adopted when he was in third grade; she was his teacher's aide and wanted to
better his life so she made him a permanent part of their family. When he told
me that story, I was blown away, what a beautiful thing to do, I really admire
a person who can look into a child's eyes and tell them "I will love you
forever" even though they do not have to.
On the same day, a lady I had previously worked with at the bank passed away as well, she was young.. But what scares me is the way she passed away. She was pregnant, around the same week that I am but her baby didn't make it, she contracted what sounds like Sepsis and passed away too. I cannot imagine going through this, being her husband or her young daughter. I talked with my friend who was very close to her and she said that this was very sudden and was not anticipated or foreseen. I just can't imagine the pain her family must be going through right now.
Those two instances on the same day made me really just wake up and feel grateful to see my girls. I love them so much. I really can't even imagine my life without them at this point. I feel like I have so much purpose in life. I felt down all day yesterday because of what had happened but today I looked at everything from a different angle, I'm so happy to just be alive and be here and healthy.
On the same day, a lady I had previously worked with at the bank passed away as well, she was young.. But what scares me is the way she passed away. She was pregnant, around the same week that I am but her baby didn't make it, she contracted what sounds like Sepsis and passed away too. I cannot imagine going through this, being her husband or her young daughter. I talked with my friend who was very close to her and she said that this was very sudden and was not anticipated or foreseen. I just can't imagine the pain her family must be going through right now.
Those two instances on the same day made me really just wake up and feel grateful to see my girls. I love them so much. I really can't even imagine my life without them at this point. I feel like I have so much purpose in life. I felt down all day yesterday because of what had happened but today I looked at everything from a different angle, I'm so happy to just be alive and be here and healthy.
When I think about life, I start to think about time and how its
passing us by and there are situations that I wish I could just make better. I
feel like the situation with my step daughter will never be what I want it to
be and if it ever is, too much time will have been lost. I know that our house
is full but the kids, their hearts won't ever be complete. I'm at a point where
I feel like I've always left the door open for communication but maybe I should
just close it indefinitely. My problem is that I'm too welcoming, Ryan doesn't
like how I invite people into my life so when I have to step back because my
relationship depends on it, other people are hurt. Mainly his problem is that I become friends with people who don't like me but pretend to like me. So being so welcoming to a person who doesn't like me is just a waste of time, my time and efforts could have been better spent but... I can be naive in a sense that I feel like the word friendship means the same to me as it does to everyone else. Sometimes I wonder if things
will get better but maybe if I just blocked it out I'd be able to move on from
it. Maliah is slowly forgetting about the situation and doesn't ask about her
anymore like she used to so I feel like maybe it's just time to stop feeling
sorry about it for my own peace of mind.
We had our
doctor's appointment today. I'm measuring about a week behind where I should be
in terms of fundal height which is odd because I have never had this happen
before, I've always been right on target as far as that goes. People always
make comments that I'm tiny or small or whatever but I feel like that's due to
me being smaller to begin with. My doctor told me not to worry and that
anywhere between one and two weeks behind or ahead is absolutely normal I
looked up information and there are many factors that have to do with the
sizing to be off such as a smaller baby, toned abdominal muscles and other
factors. This was our last appointment before we start heading into our every
two week appointments. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is flying by. I
love being pregnant but I can't wait to see my little guy; I hope he looks just
like Ryan :)
Total Weight Gain
14lbs
