So we packed our things and came back to Arizona and I got that same overwhelming feeling of happiness as I was driving down the 17, I was home and it felt amazing. I remember when I would fly alot, the feeling of hovering over Phoenix was just exhilarating, I feel like I can conquer anything here.. life is just a tad bit easier. Honestly, it might be the familiarity that I have here. I know just about the entire metro area like the back of my hand, everything is accessible and we're close to family if an emergency ever did arise. To my surprise, many of my clients were eager to see me so my first month back was hectic, back to the good old days! We listed our little mansion for sale and to our surprise, it was all done and over with in less than a month and a half. So, we start the process on finding a new home all over again.
Our pregnancy however, has taken a turn in a scary direction. I should preface this paragraph with the statement I say often "Baby number four is a combination of everything bad that happened in the first three pregnancies." I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes where I now prick my finger four times a day, have additional ultrasounds and close monitoring to be sure that baby is well and happy. To be honest, when they gave me the diagnosis, I felt bad. I thought it was wrong, I didn't want to believe it. I felt like my body is now a toxic environment for my baby and for the most part I blamed Starbucks and their stupid addicting fantastic iced coffee which I had indulged in.. at least 3-4 times per week. (and of course, my own lack of self control) After educating myself, I realize that this is a hormone thing - not a diet thing. You could be the healthiest prego on the planet and it couldn't be prevented. I'm still in the running for mother of the year (haha totally kidding.) My diet has been restricted of anything other than water, no carbs, sugar or starches. Sounds easy enough right? WRONG!! Because I also restrict my diet to prevent the preeclampsia too which means limited amounts of sodium. So to be blunt, I'm afraid to eat food. I saw a dietitian and she gave me meal plans... but I still feel very uncertain as far as what and when I am supposed to be eating.
I think this all would be a whole lot easier if I weren't a cash paying patient... my bill started out being around $8,000 for the entire delivery and appointments. My ultrasounds are now $400 a pop and they want NST done in the office weekly which is another $100, plus my test strips are kind of pricey, $20 for 25 which will only last me a few days given the amount of times I am supposed to be testing my sugars. For the most part, I'm a very active person chasing three little ones (and when I'm not doing that.. I'm chasing down smiles with other's little ones) so that compensates and brings my sugars down right there. Now my bills will be around $10k-12k which obviously does impact each and every day prior to the baby's birth. It's a dark cloud just looming over me. So I go to see the specialist and basically sit there for three hours, I ended up having to leave due to the fact that I was to be at a shoot in just over an hour that was an hour away. So we go back Monday, I'm hoping baby is on a good track and hasn't gained too much weight.
Speaking of which, due to the lack of education I had on diabetes.. I assumed the disease effected people who are overweight so of course, when they told me I had it.. I was like what?? I just randomly lost ten pounds, how can I have GD? I'm no doctor and it was wrong of me to assume that everyone who has diabetes is overweight. After coming out with it publicly... I realize how many of my friends have it outside of pregnancy and have realized that diabetes patients do come in all shapes and sizes.
This entire experience has been eye opening to say the least. I think we're headed back to a great place but it's just a matter of being patient and kind in the process.
